Why yes, Fat Bastard, as a matter of fact I do think I'm better than you.

You scoff at my academic ambitions, but I can hear the anger, jealousy and resentment hidden in your jokes. However, it's not my fault you are a blundering idiot and I am a super genius.

Maybe if you and your "chosen few" would stop fearing assimilation and intermarriages, you, too, would have been encouraged to love learning, to yearn knowledge, to WANT to come out of the dark of your tight little community and into the light of higher education.

Yes, it is true you have more money than me, and you just bought a house that will take me five years to even dream about. But you will never know the pleasures of reading Lorca, or even Dickens for that matter. You will always need an accountant to do your books, and you will never sound like anything more than an ignorant mamma's boy who's never known anything other than Gravesend, Deal, Aventura and Israel.

Joke all you want; all your money and material possessions mean caca to me. As I cross the stage and receive my Master's and subsequent Doctorate degrees from some of the most prestigious universities in this world, I'll think of you in Brooklyn, still taking handouts from Mommy and Daddy, still spouting pseudo-wisdom in that stupid fake black ghetto accent you try so hard to perfect (it's just not funny, sweetie- give it up!!), still making fun of people with higher aspirations than you.

I'll think of you and smile.

PS- Can you do me favor? For chrissake- can you stop treating your daughter like a god-damned show pony? I don't care if she knows where her nose is located on her face. Everybody knows where the nose is located on their faces. It doesn't mean she's smart, it just means she's caught up to the rest of civilization. Baboons know where their noses are...it's nothing special. Really. But call me when she's able to solve for "y" in a quadratic equation. Then we can celebrate.