There Are Basements Everywhere...

My fellow Worker-Ants, I'm here to tell you that while The Basement is the Fourth Ring of Hell, there are elements of The Basement in every job all over NYC...maybe even the world.

Observe this rant, written by my co-worker from the smokey corner of our third floor Basement:

To the ladies in my building who smoke in the bathrooms – I hate you. I don’t know exactly who you are because I’m afraid to look straight at your imaginably wrinkled, tobacco-tinted faces, but I do know that I really really hate you.

I do not smoke. Nor do I want to start. In fact, not only do I hate the smell of smoke, but I hate the idea of it as it reminds me of the lung cancer that killed my grandfather.

There is a reason for that “No-Smoking” sign on every floor and in every bathroom in the building. There is a reason that smoking is no longer allowed in public places (indoors) – it’s a fire hazard and it’s cancerous, and for us logical people with enough will power not to waste our money and life span on cigarettes, we’d rather not acquire cancer solely because of your bad choices.

You never even had the decency of asking if the other women on the floor mind that you smoke in the bathroom, never mind if anyone was allergic. Did you ever even think about that? Probably not, you selfish old bags. I wonder if you would smoke inside a windowless bathroom at home and then lock your grandchildren inside until you heard them coughing. Because, essentially, that is what you are doing to me.

The bathroom has no windows, and this may come as a surprise to you, but spraying an entire bottle of that god-awful smelling spray does not help the cause. Now, not only have I become a smoker, but I am now a huffer as well. Thanks old leather skinned ladies; I always did want to smell like an ashtray that was submerged in $1.99 perfume after I peed.

It’s getting warmer now, if you don’t start to go outside I’ll be forced to tell the superintendents of the building just what’s going on in the ladies room on the third floor. And I’m sure that the owners of the building (whom - without disclosing too much information - are ‘fighters’ of said hazards) would find it sort of ironic that you’ve chosen to ignore the laws.

Who are you trying to be? Catholic school girls revolting against the ruler yielding nuns? Roll down your skirts, button up and tuck in your shirts, and put down the god damned cigarettes.